Residency: the very beginning!!!

Its been two weeks now since I started my intern year, and I just keep thinking that today is Sunday, even though it is monday.

These two weeks have both been exciting and frustrating at the same time. More so on the frustrating side. Lets start with the bad.

My first day I was on Day call. It was quiet in the beginning and then after 12 pm the pager and the phone kept going of. It got to the point were I was internally imploring the pager to please chill. lol.

In seeing patients, drafting  and writing out my the management plan I could see the vast gap of experience that I had to learn. I felt like I knew nothing; like an empty vessel walking around the hospital wearing a white coat.

I have been paired with a senior for my day float-which is a month of day call on saturdays and sundays. He has been very helpful, guiding me through each encounter. On my very first day, he together with another senior that was present walked me through every thing. Through them I gradually picked up the ways of the hospital, the how to use the EMR system -which is completely different from the ones I used prior- and ways to polish up my notes.

While I have been fortunate to have this support, it is still frustrating knowing you do not know things. Initially, I felt overwhelmed, but with each passing day I'm feeling a bit more confident.

As Doctor, even as a fresh intern, we know a lot. Through out medical school we study a lot, learning a many different subjects. We go through clinical experiences through clinical rotations. We take numerous grueling tests that each last 6 hours and above. We are knowledgeable but there is still a wide gap in experience and minor how to's that we can only learn by doing. If it's not evident before, it becomes evident the moment you start.

About a month and a half prior to starting I felt a certain nervousness creeping up on me. Will I measure up, will I be able to close the gap. I spoke to numerous friends that said that it was normal and that they felt the exact same way on starting. They said if everyone gets through it so can I.

After my first few days, I was frustrating about the things i did not know, however I caught a glimpse of what i could become. I could see that it will be a journey of growth, almost like an adventure. This chance to make myself grow, using hard work to overcome the difficulties on my path is what makes me excited. i look forward to learning and learn, growing through experience, and finally molding myself into the physician I want to be.

For now I look forward to this journey. I look forward to learning from my experiences both mistakes and the right things.

To all those in intern year, good luck we can do it. To all those applying to residency I wish you the best of luck, and I hope your journey starts soon.